The psychology of the relationship mother and child has been studied and discussed since around 440 BC, when Sophocles wrote about Oedipus the King, a man who killed his father and slept with his mother. Perhaps no modern psychoanalyst has shown as much interest in this scenario as Sigmund Freud, who developed the theory of the Oedipus Complex.

In this context, the doctor argued about situations in which boys between the ages of 3 and 5 would want their mothers. Moreover, subconsciously they would want their fathers to leave the picture so that they could assume this role. However, most people dismissed Freud's theory as having no merit However, many other factors enter into the relationship between mother and child .

Mother and Child Bonding

In a survey reported in 2010 by the University of Reading, the results indicate that all children, particularly boys who do not have a strong bond with their mothers, have more behavioral problems .

Furthermore, Kate Stone Lombardi's considerations are very interesting. The author of "The Myth of Mommy's Boys: Why Keeping Our Kids Close Makes Them Stronger" said that the boy profile we presented above grow up displaying hostile, aggressive and destructive behavior . Thus, boys who have a close bond with their mothers tend to avoid future delinquent behavior.

Theoretical link: the attachment theory

Attachment theory states that children who have a strong attachment to their parents feel supported and comforted by them. However, Children who are rejected or who receive care and comfort inconsistently tend to develop behavioral problems.

In this context, Dr. Pasco Fearon, from the School of Psychology and Clinical Language Sciences at the University of Reading, conducted research to verify the validity of the theory. He confirmed that attachment theory has validity after analyzing 69 studies involving about 6,000 children .

Mother in Excess

For example, Jerry Seinfeld once joked on the TV show "Seinfeld" when commenting on the subject:

"Not that there's anything wrong with that."

However, what he really meant was that this attachment seems strange to many people, so many people believe that there is something wrong with it, yes.

In this context, Peggy Drexler, a research psychologist and author of "Raising Boys Without Men," pointed out in a "Psychology Today" article that society says it's okay for a girl to be a "daddy's girl," yet it's not okay for a boy to be "Mommy's little boy."

Thus, the idea of a loving mother raising a soft and weak boy is something present in the popular imagination. However, as it turns out, it is just a myth. Drexler says that mothers should be a "safe harbor" for their children, but that they should also "demand independence." She stressed that above all, a mother's love can never hurt her child.

Good Communicator and Companion

Mothers who are close with their children tend to raise boys who are better able to communicate their feelings. In this way, they can resist peer pressure, according to Lombardi.

In this context, as the son reaches adulthood, if enjoys a loving and respectful relationship with his mother, he is more likely to treat the future of another person in the same way. Thus, according to Lombardi, this family foundation can lead the child into a successful love relationship.

Importance of Awareness

Currently in all the media, toxic male behavior is being addressed. This is because the number of cases of feminicide and domestic violence We want to make it clear that we know that toxic behaviors exist among both men and women.

However, it is noticeable that mothers often do not pay enough attention to the treatment that boys are giving to girls.

Child development is an excellent opportunity to teach girls how to treat girls with respect by developing empathy, so today's mothers have the task of teaching that you cannot assault a woman or treat her disrespectfully in any way. In this way, the concept of what a healthy and mutually respectful relationship should be like is nurtured in the child from a very early age.

Maternal Concern

DW Winnicott stated that before the birth of the baby, the good enough mother in reasonable condition would be surprised by maternal concern for her incoming child. This is assuming that she was not in active trauma. examples are:

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• the war;
• an abusive relationship;
• extreme poverty;
• depression or anxiety;
• grief over an important loss,

Thus, excluding this context, a "good enough" mother would naturally be consumed with thoughts of her child during the months of pregnancy.

This is a longing that we really observe in pregnant or adopting mothers. It is even common for them to become so sick with worrying about the child they are expecting, from searching for the right baby's name, to registrations and late-night discussions about what kind of mother she will be.

In this context, even parents preparing for their second and third children spend a lot of time planning and dreaming about the next child.

Projective identification

During the first weeks of life, the child communicates with its primary caregiver by essentially projecting its internal psychic experience onto a receiving mother. This is the "good enough" mother that Winnicott talks about.

In this context, free from unnecessarily burdensome psychic life, it must be receptive so as to absorb the child's mental content into its own psyche. This as a means of understanding your inner world.

Thus, the child is projecting its experience onto the mother so that it can be understood. However, this is actually done so that a receptive mother can help her process what would otherwise be an uncontrollable feeling of inner turmoil.

Alpha function

Wilfred Bion further developed Klein's theory of projective identification to consider the process by which the mother metabolized the baby's projections. He described feelings and thoughts, which were absent from the context, such as those of a child, as beta elements.

In this context, the beta elements do not contain a complete story. They are fragments of an image that make them indecipherable. They cannot be dreamed or even thought about, only experienced.

A baby projects its beta elements because it does not yet have the capacity, a functioning mind, to understand them. Thus, Bion describes the ability to metabolize beta elements as alpha function. What he theorizes is that the mother not only uses her alpha function to understand the child's distress, but when she returns a metabolized experience.

Having transformed the beta elements into a contextualized feeling state, she also nurtures her own alpha. Thus she is satisfied by resolving the baby's distress. This will ultimately help the child build an active mind.

So, what have we learned here?

Motherhood is the means by which we feel safe in the world. It is through this contact that we have our first experiences as unnamed fearful people. Thus, it is through our mother that we build an active mind. Yes, mothers are fundamental in the development of their children and essential in building a peaceful and productive society.

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