How do you react when you are under pressure? Do you feel bad? suffocated? The human defense instinct works against adversity, but it becomes uncomfortable for those who choose to be on the defensive This is what we will discuss in this article.

Why defend yourself?

"On the defensive I scratched, I bit, I hurt, I almost killed. If you can, avoid the lion, but don't be one. "With this quote from the thinker Charles Canela, we begin our conversation.

Immersed in a world where the unpredictable is the rule, we sometimes tend to be on our guard against any threat that may arise. We are confronted daily, in different levels and forms, until we reach a pressure point. Thus, the force exerted by external stimuli forces us to opt for armor: to stay on the defensive.

This attitude is nothing more than a set of measures that serve to preserve us from any harm, especially emotional harm.

Therefore, our internal fragility forces us to adopt a more evasive and even offensive posture when we are confronted. All because we want to get out of the dangerous situation. However, this attitude changes us and can be harmful to us and to others.

What does it cause?

The human being has a need to be in control. This means security and the feeling that he will succeed in whatever he enters. However, not being ready for adversity causes us to go on alert.

Expecting a possible danger, we take a more aggressive posture as a defense. The idea is to face the situation of difficulty in an improvised way, since this will not have a defined script. The feeling of being offended by being confronted leads us to sin in some sociable aspects of relationships, such as politeness. Thus, disrespect on some occasions becomes an argument.

Symptoms/Signs

In this context, a person who gets defensive sends clear signals that flow from the emotional side to the physical side. Due to the tension, the reactions become visible and easy to identify. These are:

*Aggressiveness To do this, they will use criticism and other derogatory techniques such as sarcasm, arrogance, and irony. In extreme cases, verbal violence will be the last resort.

*Irritability The face is an excellent thermometer of what is going on inside us. When we are angry it is no different. A person who becomes defensive displays clear signs of discontent, such as jokes, circular movements in the eyes, and the mouth meeting the cheek.

*The body changes on the defensive : daily we carry the same body posture. Depending on the pose, we convey signs of confidence and even authority, but someone on the defensive contracts the body. In this way, this act relates to the idea of resilience, relieving the damage of what he believes to be a clash. Another's comments make the posture of a "defender" more rigid and threatening.

*Interrupting the conversation : to avoid prolonging the situation, interrupting the conversation is an easy way to evade. Preventing the other from exposing his arguments is a way to repel the source of what he believes to be a confrontation.

*Anxiety Anticipating a situation as a problem is one of the signs of getting defensive. The "defender" already takes an encounter as a rebuke.

Consequences

Being constantly on the defensive will be the source of many problems, both physical, emotional and even professional. The burden generated by this shield causes damage in our life. It leaves marks on our identity and becomes a bad reference when someone thinks about our image.

*On the body : stress feeds a thread running through the body that generates great physical wear and tear. Staying alert frequently exhausts the physique It is as if the body expects to receive a blow and anticipates the pain.

*In the mind : the person who gets defensive, besides stress, develops a reluctance to accept criticism. He sees it as another form of aggression. The intolerance to receive feedback prevents him from improving his performance at work, nurturing a vicious circle that will hurt him at some point.

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*In the career: by refusing to accept criticism, the individual impedes his progress in whatever environment he is in By giving up on understanding the reason for not reaching a certain goal from someone else's point of view, professional success becomes a distant illusion. In this way, this person will become more and more frustrated by not reaching their goals.

A humorous example is found in the American sitcom "Everybody Hates Chris," where the protagonist's mother, Rochelle, has serious problems accepting criticism in the work environment, and immediately responds aggressively.

Understand once and for all why you have to be defensive

As read earlier, the insecure individual simulates situations where he will be the target of an attack. Even when at rest, it expends its own energy preparing for a confrontation that may not even take place To diagnose the source and work on it, you can break down the obstacles that keep you from growing and reaching your potential:

*Working on self-esteem Certain situations come to you to assess whether you can handle them. It's a test of maturity. So understand your attributes and how you can help improve something you're involved in.

*Recognize limitations : tried, didn't work out? Being aware that you have worked with all the tools you have had up to that point can be reassuring That way, you will know that you insisted and will take it as an experience for what comes next.

*Be open to criticism Another person is able to evaluate our actions and suggest changes that improve our activities. Constructive criticism helps personal development, so don't be reluctant to accept it.

*Search : knowing what the other person needs helps us reach a more precise goal Understand what someone needs, show interest, and if the situation still falls short, you will be remembered as someone who is caring.

The importance of resilience

It is natural and necessary to carry a resilience. This will protect us against damage that can trigger jolts in our egos. Still, we need to deal with weaknesses and excesses. Therefore, it is important to realize our breaking points. Also, dealing with our shortcomings and recognizing how much we need to improve is crucial.

Take it as a help and take advantage of it. That way you will have an opportunity to grow and improve yourself. Don't resist Your future self will be grateful for the lessons learned and will serve as an example of a change agent. Nothing better than becoming a good reference, don't you think?

Now it's up to you. Leave your comment below. Write down some experiences about being defensive that you have lived through or witnessed. Also add your point of view of the situation and what you would have done differently.

If you would like to make a suggestion, please contact us through Contact Us. With an open heart and no resilience, we will be ready to listen to you. On the other hand, if you want to know more about how to talk to people about this kind of behavior, check out our course! You will learn a lot about how to help people with various kinds of problems.

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