Anxiety gets in the way in many areas of life, especially in relationships when we talk about anxiety in love.

Anxiety in Love

The anxious person wants to solve everything and at the same time without any plan. Sometimes he is sensitive, other times he is aggressive or disconnected. A thousand thoughts arise and drag the person into a hurricane of emotions. A memory that comes up, a misunderstanding, something that wasn't even at that moment can drag you into a crisis.

The thought stays in the past, even if it is not so remote a past, and between seconds ago or years, the anxious person returns to what hurt him by some memory or action of the other. Time passes, but the wound remains, and with it the fear of it happening again generates anxiety crises. When a crisis comes, he forgets about the other's space.

He even forgets his own space, and ends up being carried away by a whirlwind of memories and uncertainties. Fear comes, fragility comes, sadness and insecurity. The couple only realizes the chaos when the crisis passes, and those involved are hurt. Words they don't mean, attitudes they don't want to take, thoughts they don't want to keep in mind.

The Greatness of Anxiety in Love

When anxiety comes it seems like a truck running over everything, carrying everything in its path. It is necessary to have the reins of one's own thoughts and not let oneself be shaken, however, the difficulty is the storm of thoughts within. When an anxious person doesn't suffer for something in the past, he ends up suffering for waiting for the future. He can think of a thousand things at the same time, and if he has pressure at the moment this can change for the worse.

When a disagreement arises, instead of letting the dust settle and giving space to the other, the anxious ones end up wanting to say everything on the spot, solve everything on the spot, and consequently make the whole situation worse. Those who are anxious usually don't respect each other's space and time. Apart from the custom of keeping the smallest details of things spoken or situations.

Outsiders cannot always see the suffering in this, and judge an anxious person as clingy, out of control, or even cold because of some actions. Not every anxious person is explosive or can demonstrate what he feels and thinks. There are people who close themselves inside a cocoon, and don't let anyone get close to their feelings and thoughts. This doesn't mean that this person doesn't suffer too, it's just a defense.

Anxiety in love and repressed emotions

The person suffers too, but nothing is externalized. She keeps the hurricane of emotions inside her, and because she is quieter, her partner may judge her as a cold person. Mainly because one hour the bomb explodes, and it may be in a very cold way. To relate to an anxious person it is necessary for the partner to try to understand the whole hurricane of emotions inside. The suffering is real, it is not victimhood or a scene.

It is important to understand that unresolved issues will hammer at the most inappropriate times, and one hour it will snowball. It is important to give space to understand the emotions and to digest what happened, without pressure, with clear boundaries. Disagreements are common in a relationship, but with one anxious beyond his thoughts, he will try to imagine his partner's, and get ahead of himself, and run everything over even though he didn't mean to, and regret it. And maybe feel guilty that it all went wrong.

There should be a lot of understanding on both sides, try to calm the tempers and emotions, and together decide the best time to talk. An anxious person may be more needy because he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings and thinks too much about the future, and thinks that he is always to blame for something.

The toxic relationship

After a fight, the enormous desire to resolve everything and be at peace, because peace is not always an option. Many thoughts and uncertainties surround, agitation and restlessness. Sometimes it is something from the past that hammers and punishes, and the partner doesn't even realize it. An anxious person can end up entering into a toxic relationship because his or her self-esteem is shaken.

He ends up accepting situations he shouldn't because he loves the person and can't imagine being away from him. Limits are crossed, generating more anxiety and traumas, and always a new cycle of abuse starts all over again. A toxic partner can end up taking advantage of an anxious person's emotional vulnerability.

Generally, an anxious person has low self-esteem and is emotionally dependent, and is easily drawn into abusive relationships. What may be considered victimization or manipulation by the partner may be distress or suffering.

Conclusion

The anxious partner (or couple) can seek professional help to achieve a healthy relationship and avoid suffering. Try to avoid fights over past events, what is past will never come back and should be left in the past.

Keep the feeling alive, and the reason you stayed together. Remember the qualities of your partner, and what made you fall in love.

In moments of tension it is not always good to talk, it is best to wait until you calm down. Avoid talking about things in the heat of the moment, because some people forget but anxious people don't.

I want information to enroll in the Psychoanalysis Course .

This article was written by Thaís de Souza, IBPC student, Carioca, 32 years old, Instagram: @th.thaissouza.