Although it is natural, neediness can become an uncomfortable element in the relationship if it is not well dosed. Many couples face problems with it because they don't fully understand the limits of this desire. Therefore, understand better what it means emotional neediness and a simple test to find out if you have it or not.

What is affective neediness?

Affective neediness shows itself as a state of emotional dependence that is quite severe for people This is very visible when an individual needs to be with someone in order to feel loved and happy. Basically, it's as if he doesn't have the autonomy and willpower to be happy with himself.

One of the biggest problems is that this type of person becomes an emotional black hole in the lives of others. No one is able to give what they are looking for, and the burden of this contact becomes excessively high. Not only this, but the personal problems of this individual also come into play.

Data collected by Ibope in the last few years has shown that the Brazilian population suffers at some level from neediness. According to them, almost 29% of Brazilians claim not to have received affection in their lives. Meanwhile, another 21% say they have never expressed affection for anyone.

Why are we so needy?

The way we receive affection during childhood has a direct impact on the way we give and receive affection. Not only that, but they have also been abandoned or rejected in some way. .

Trauma can occur from a true situation or one that was projected by the child as a way of understanding the moment. Over-application also contributes to this, as too much care and affection is harmful. This is because over-dependence on parents can feed the idea that the child is not self-sufficient.

Consequently, people start to condition and link their happiness to the presence of others. One of the biggest problems in this is that the lack of practice in delivering love makes it impossible for her to be affectionate in the future. Before she closes herself off emotionally, she needs to take care of her pain properly and understand this dependency in relationships.

Deficiency symptoms

Although it is not a disease, so to speak, affective neediness leaves some very visible marks in people who have it In a more vulgar way of saying it, you can smell this excessive attachment. Some of the most common symptoms are:

Being excessively dependent on others to be happy

It is as if your existence and happiness cannot exist without someone else. Your love is harmful and parasitic so that you can feel happy, making someone else your hostage. If you have no one, the moment you find someone, you will suffocate that new being in whatever way you need.

No relationship criteria

Unfortunately, the needy person makes no demands when seeking a relationship with another person. For him, anything is fine because this is much better than being alone. In this way, needy people enter into harmful relationships doomed to failure from the very beginning.

Accepting any conditioning to be together

The needy person ends up becoming a conditional submissive and bribable to anything. This type of response can be very dangerous depending on the type of person with whom he interacts and his emotional state. This is because many people give in to extraordinary requests, such as financial help, personal favors, and even exposure and risk of life .

Nothing lasts for long, but suffering does

It is necessary to make clear the destructive power that affective neediness triggers within human contacts. Even if this passage seems too fatalistic, those involved in this contact end up internally ill As time goes by, both of them develop scars that hurt every time they start a new relationship.

For the needy, it is difficult to stay in relationships for long periods of time. The partners can't take the continuous pressure and he ends up being seen as too much of a burden to carry. In short, it is impossible to maintain the same strength and will to make the other person happy as he expects.

Because of this, it is common to see the needy person diving headlong into any chance of a relationship. Some more sensitive people understand their condition and avoid going deeper than they should.

Vitimism

Love and attention are not asked for, but are constantly demanded. It is not uncommon for the needy to point to the other and say that they feel they are not loved .

Lovers are not the only targets of these painful sentimental entreaties. Family and friends also go through a similar situation, being blamed for any uneasiness of the needy.

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The same one uses his lack of affection to play the victim and attract the attention of others. If it serves as a parallel, think of a spoiled child who blames others for his attitudes. He is never responsible for what he does, and is an eternal victim.

How to deal with affective neediness?

Getting rid of emotional neediness may not be easy, but it is an achievable goal with effort. Everything must be done in a sequential manner so that you can get used to the new reality. First of all:

Love yourself first

Ask yourself: can I love myself just the way I am, with my defects and virtues? The moment you come to love yourself, understand your limitations and appreciate your qualities, you will be ready to do this for someone else. Before any relationship, learn to nurture your self-love and be happy with yourself before you look for someone else .

Enjoy your company and learn to be alone

"I tried to run away from myself, but everywhere I went, I was" is a common phrase in picture captions. Although it sounds silly, it is necessary for you to understand that you need a moment with just you to understand yourself.

• relate to you,
• enjoy his company,
• fill your emptiness with your own essence,
• and don't look for anyone for this function.

Find and recognize yourself

Avoid getting attached to someone so that you can show your worth: do it for yourself. Instead of expecting someone to admire you, give yourself gifts, think about your achievements and praise yourself. Instead of giving everything to someone else, direct that strength to yourself with gestures like:

• praise,
• attention,
• and care.

Test

You can do a simple test to see if you have emotional neediness or not with simple questions:

1. If your partner decides to go out with friends and you are left alone, what do you do?
2. When he compliments some famous person in a way that he doesn't with you, how do you feel about it?
3. If the person you love still keeps in touch with an old love how do you feel about it?
4. What stance do you take in a fight?
5. How often do you have contact with your partner during the day?
6. What are you afraid of in your life?
7. What do you do if the other person has an extremely annoying habit?
8. A friend of yours is not to your partner's liking. How do you plan to handle the situation?
9. The person you love has a very close relationship with another. What do you think about that?

Final considerations on affective deprivation

The lack of affection shows itself as a big emotional wound bleeding through time As a way of supplying the emptiness he carries, the individual takes out on others all the emotional need inside. It happens that no one is ever prepared for the avalanche that appears on the horizon.

Instead of wearing yourself out and pressuring the other person, invest this time in yourself and in improving yourself. As time goes by, you will feel positively that you can live well on your own and without dependence. But if you want to add someone on your path, only do it when you feel ready for it.

For you to do well in this journey, enroll in our 100% EAD course on Psychoanalysis as reinforcement. Its purpose is for you to understand your needs and properly conduct your personal growth through self-knowledge. Now, emotional neediness will be remembered as an unpleasant phase that has already lost its force .