There is nothing that destroys a relationship and self-esteem more than a r abusive relationship in marriage And we are not talking about physical mistreatment, but the kind that cannot be seen and for the same reason is more difficult to identify.

Verbal abuse is not the only form that exists, here are some patterns that repeat themselves in all abusive relationships. And this is not limited to one sex. Just as with physical abuse, the abusive relationship in marriage can be either from the woman to the man or from the man to the woman.

9 Signs of Emotional Abuse

If you are not sure what constitutes this disturbing behavior, here are 9 signs of emotional abuse. These signs will be stronger indicators if they happen frequently, or if several of them happen in the same relationship:

• Humiliation and shame in front of other people are quite common;
• The abuser tries to control everything, even his partner's behavior to the point of treating you like a child;
• The abuser never gives importance to his partner's comments and needs;
• uses correction and punishment against the partner for attitudes they consider wrong;
• uses bad jokes to hurt others and his partner;
• never relinquishes control, either of his partner's actions, or of important decisions, the economy, the children, etc;
• The aggressor minimizes all the partner's achievements and desires;
• he accuses and blames the other for things he is not guilty of, because he knows it;
• he doesn't miss a chance to show his disapproval with both his appearance and his body expressions.

What does intimate partner violence mean?

Dating violence refers to when the person you are with repeatedly hurts you or tries to control you, so it is always very important to be aware of all the details.

It can happen to anyone of any age, gender, sexual orientation, how long you have been together, or how serious the relationship is. You are never guilty of abuse.

Abusive relationships can include:

Physical abuse

Angry hitting, strangling, pushing, breaking or throwing things, using too much force to grab you, or blocking the door when you try to leave. This is abuse, even if it leaves no marks or bruises.

Verbal abuse

Shouting or calling you "stupid", "ugly", "crazy" or some other insult.

Emotional Abuse

When they tell you that no one else would like to be with you, it makes you feel guilty for something when you haven't done anything wrong. Also, it makes you feel that you don't deserve to be loved, that it's your fault if they mistreat you, blaming you for their own anger and abuse.

You end up being manipulated by mind games, or by trying to make you believe things about yourself that are not true.

Digital Abuse

Logging into your accounts without your permission, controlling what you do on social networks, or stalking you on your profiles.

Isolation and jealousy

Trying to control where you go and who you see yourself with is extreme jealousy.

Intimidation and threats

Threatening to break up with you, threatening violence (against you or themselves), or threatening to share their secrets as a form of control.

Impose pressure

Pressure for you to use drugs, drink alcohol, or other things that you don't want.

Sexual Violence

Forcing you to have sex or commit sexual acts when you don't want to. Also, not allowing you to use birth control or condoms when you want to. These behaviors are the ways in which the abuser can control you or have all the power in the emotional relationship.

All types of abuse can make you feel stressed, angry, or depressed. Dating violence can affect your progress in school or cause you to use drugs or alcohol to cope with the abuse.

How can I know if I am in an abusive relationship?

Sometimes it's hard to determine if you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship.But if you think they are treating you badly, then they probably are.Trust your instincts.Healthy relationships make you feel good about yourself, not bad.

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You are probably in an abusive relationship if the person you are dating:

• makes calls, sends text messages, or just keeps asking where you are, what you are doing, or who you are with;
• checks your phone, e-mail or social media messages without your permission;
• tells you who you can be friends with and who you cannot;
• threatens to tell their secrets, such as their sexual orientation or gender identity;
• stalks you or controls what you do on social networks;
• pressures you to exchange sexual messages;
• says ugly or embarrassing things about you in front of other people;
• acts jealous or tries to avoid spending time with other people;
• They have a bad temper and you are afraid to make them angry;
• accuses you of being unfaithful or of doing wrong things all the time;
• threatens to kill, commit suicide, or hurt you if you break up with them;
• hurts you physically.

If you think you are in an abusive relationship, talk to your parents or other trusted adults. They can help you overcome the difficulties and end the relationship safely.

What should I do if I am in an abusive relationship?

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, you need to get out of it. Breaking up with an abusive person can be very difficult, especially if you love them.

Face the letting go phase

It is normal to miss the abuser. But you need to remember why you broke off your relationship with him, doing what is best for you.

When you decide to end the relationship, don't let him convince you otherwise.

Don't give in to threats

If he threatens to hurt you, himself, or others, you should talk to an adult or get help immediately. Your safety is the most important thing.

Know where to look for help

In extreme cases where you cannot break with the abuser and/or you are afraid of the consequences the abuser may take against you, ask for help.

You can do this:

• By dialing 100: 100 phone .
• Call the hotline or Emergência Polícia Militar (Military Police): phone 197 or 190 .
• By CVV - Centro de Valorização à Vida (Center for Valuing Life), in case you need psychological support, even in more serious situations: 188 phone .
• Looking for Women's Police Station in your city For example, to prevent the abuser from coming near you.
• Looking for a lawyer, the OAB or the Public Defender's Office in your city to help you (even free of charge, if necessary) in legal matters involving separation, child custody, protective measures, or division of property.
• Looking for Social Service of the Municipality of your city to see if they offer financial, psychological, and housing support.
• Looking for Guardianship Council of your city if the abuse is against children and adolescents.
• Seeking help and psychological support from human rights and women's rights NGOs, such as Azmina and Geledes.

Do not be afraid

If breaking up face to face with another person is scary or unsafe, you can do it by phone, text message, or email.

If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, know that you are not alone and that you deserve something much better. You are not to blame for the abuse.

It is not normal when a person hurts you, makes you feel bad, or pressures you to do things you don't want to do. We all get angry from time to time, but talking about it is always the best way to deal with problems. Your partner should never hurt or put you down.

Count on your family or close friends

Don't be afraid to ask your parents, relatives or close friends for help. Tell them that you are in an abusive relationship. Ask them for help with whatever you need, especially:

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• A place to stay temporarily and help to support yourself : abusive relationships bring physical and/or psychological risks, especially when the abuser realizes that he is losing the person.
• O emotional support so that they help you not to seek out the abuser if you have a relapse, which is normal.
• The help to report or seek preventive, social, police or legal measures that we mentioned earlier.

Offer help to those in an abusive relationship

Likewise, even if you are not the abused person but you are seeing someone else in this condition, offer them help.

This can be done in a conversation with the abused person, or with their family and friends, or even with the public and social services we listed earlier in this article.

Concluding remarks on abusive relationship in marriage

Violence and abuse in a dating relationship is never your fault, you deserve to feel safe with the person you are dating.

So learn more about the signs of an abusive relationship and how you can help someone by enrolling in our clinical psychoanalysis training course.

The course provides all the necessary preparation to understand the most important aspects of an abusive relationship in marriage and how you can help someone who is facing this problem.