When you turn 40, as well as in other phases of life, you may have the impression that your life is different compared to the achievements of friends and other people your age. At this juncture, it is important to know what is really important to have accomplished by this time of your life and what is an unrealistic expectation.this very valuable phase that is the " suddenly 40 "!

Suddenly 40! But... 40-year-olds are doing things so differently

At the age of 40, people can have accomplished a multitude of things. Among them, we find accomplishments such as the ones listed below:

• get married,
• have children,
• travel outside the country,
• go to college,
• solidify your career
• to do post-graduate studies,
• learn/improve various skills.

However, it is very difficult for a person to have the opportunity to experience all of the above before his or her 40th birthday. Usually those who dedicate themselves to some of them, end up leaving others aside. Thus, it is very difficult to find a group of people who have achieved exactly the same things. While this can be positive, many people may feel the urge to compare themselveswith others.

When we look at our own achievements, they may seem good to us at first. It is when we look at another and worry about what he has achieved that we have a problem. A well-known motto is "comparison is a thief of contentment". You lose the joy and pride of what you have when you stop looking at yourself.

The 2020 Super Bowl and the "J.Lo charge

Let's take a very practical example of how we can overcharge ourselves when we reach the "suddenly 40". The Super Bowl is the name given to the NFL finals, the American soccer league in the U.S.A. At this event, it is very common to bring in famous personalities to perform at certain times during the program. The most important are the national anthem and the musical presentationthat occurs in the interval.

While the performance of the anthem was left to singer Demi Lovato this time, Jennifer Lopez and Shakira were responsible for performing during the intermission. Starting with Lopez's performance, many women in their 40s and 50s became distraught when comparing themselves to the artist's physical state. At 50 years old, Jennifer is with a body designed and super fit. Shakira, at 43, has also impressed women all over the world.

Let's go back to the discussion that arises at the "suddenly 40" moment. If these 40 and 50 year old women had not watched the Super Bowl presentation, they probably would not have been so affected by the desire to compare themselves. Here we have a classic example of what happens when we decide to look away from ourselves to see the other. Joy is stolen and your 40 years stops making sense.

The danger of conforming to standards

In view of the above discussion, we would like to comment some more on the danger of conforming to different standards. In this context, please note that to please all kinds of expectations is impossible. Our body, for example, has a natural tendency to age. Even though some will age faster than others, everyone who does not die before reaching old age will have the body of an elderly person.

However, it is important to note that many people who have money acquire the illusion that they will age later. They do this through medical interventions, such as plastic surgery. However, no matter how much they modify their own bodies, an elderly person will never be able to pass himself off as someone too young. However, momentarily, people who do not have access to the samesubterfuge believe this lie.

So, believing that it is possible to beat time and fight old age, many people invest the money they don't have in this belief. The problem is that it brings more pain and frustration than you would like for your 40s. Although we don't believe in any achievements that every "forty-year-old" person has to have, we hope that at this stage of life you will be more mature than before. In thiscontext, believing a lie is a beginner's thing.

The importance of self-awareness when reflecting on "suddenly 40!"

Considering all that we have said above, we would like to emphasize the importance of knowing yourself in this phase. When the "suddenly 40" comes, it is imperative that you are focused on knowing yourself. This implies knowing what you like, what you don't like and what is important to you. On the other hand, self-awareness helps you to reflect on the logic of your thoughts. Thisability can be useful to avoid doing too much nonsense.

6 Tips for gaining self-awareness if you are already 40

1. do therapy

A great opportunity to get to know yourself is by going to therapy. If you can't do what is necessary to have a full understanding of who you are on your own, a therapist is the most appropriate professional to help you. This is someone who doesn't know you personally, which means that their considerations will always be neutral. Bias at this point can be very harmful.

You see: a child who is constantly criticized by his parents will find it very difficult to be analyzed by them.

2. try new things

To know more about what you like and what you don't, it is interesting to try innovative experiences. Many people end up depriving themselves of things that would make them happy because of external limiting beliefs. At 40, you have the independence and maturity to choose to embark on the adventures you want.

3. if you have children, think about how independent they already are

Several people usually have children around the age of 20. If this is the case for you, when you reach the "suddenly 40", your children will reach the "suddenly 20"! So they will have more or less the same kind of resourcefulness that you had when they were born. In view of this, it is important to let them have more freedom so that you can fly more freely again as well.

On the other hand, with the advance of family planning, there are also those who prefer to have children much later in life, so if your children are not so independent yet, make an effort to stay present. In the case of not having children, but having the will, it's time to consider a pregnancy or even an adoption. This choice is also part of the art of getting to know yourself.

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4. pay attention to your life partner

In your "suddenly 40," are you alone or in company? At this point, there is a possibility that you are a little tired of the solo flight, so getting to know yourself will help you establish criteria for the relationship you expect at this stage of your life. The same goes for those who are in a firm relationship, such as marriage.

It is never too late to reinvent the couple dynamic based on the self-knowledge you both gain.

5. think about all that remains to be done

Besides all the things we have mentioned, remember that it is never too late to dream, so if you had a dream you wish you could have fulfilled before, it doesn't mean you can't do it now. In fact, now that you are mature and sure of what you want to do, perhaps the best time is now.

6. plan

If the above makes sense to you, don't waste any time and start planning how you are going to make your dreams come true. You will not have your 40s again, and you will regret not having enjoyed the apex of your maturity and adulthood in an abundant way.

Final considerations about the "suddenly 40" phase

In today's text, you saw that the " suddenly 40 "When it comes to self-knowledge, remember that therapy is a very special ally. To learn how it can help you, make two decisions. The first is to subscribe to our newsletter to continue receiving all the content we post firsthand. Finally, enroll in our online Clinical Psychoanalysis course.