If someone gives you hurt But you can't let go, you need to know how destructive this feeling can be.

In addition, it is also necessary to understand that our attitudes can hurt others. For this reason, it is necessary to understand what hurt is. In addition, it is indispensable to be aware of what attitudes can hurt others and ourselves.

This article seeks to help understand all this and we also want to talk about how psychoanalysis views hurt.

What is sorrow

Sorrow is a very common feeling in all human beings, characterized by a feeling resulting from an unkind act that has disappointed us. Moreover, unlike other feelings, it causes a feeling of discomfort. Another point is that it can last for a long time, even a lifetime. Other feelings, on the other hand, can be intense but transient.

Another point is that when the person has hurt you feel a mixture of:

• rancor;
• anger;
• and sadness.

More often than not, it is the result of a great disappointment. After all, we all expect something from someone, but when that expectation is abruptly broken, it makes us sad. However, more than a breakdown, it is something that actually happens effectively in a way contrary to what we wanted.

Furthermore, thinking in the figurative sense of hurt, it can represent the envy of something that belongs to another person. In this prism, we are hurt for not reaching where the other is. It is as if the world is hurting us, unfairly hurting us.

Sorrow and psychoanalysis

For psychoanalysis, hurt happens when we create too much expectation in relation to the other. In other words, we look at the other according to a personal prism. With this, we believe too much in the other, in how we idealize him/her to be. But this is not the real person, but how we want him/her to be. And when the person doesn't respond to this, the hurt arises, we take it personally.

At this point, psychoanalysis seeks to understand how we project images onto the people and situations that surround us. It also analyzes which factors influence us and how we internalize the experiences we have lived through, and how this internalization modifies and transforms others and us.

When we are able to let go of projections and expectations, we have a lighter life. After all, we don't give as much power to the breaks in expectations and they don't hurt us as much.

Attitudes that hurt

• Tell someone to shut up

Trying to silence someone is aggressive, because it prevents them from saying what they feel or think. In other words, silencing has as its purpose the annulment of the other as an individual. There is no reason for the other, or you, to demand that the person be silent. Even if what he says sounds crazy, the person has the right to express himself.

If the parties to the conversation are not ready to listen to each other, it is better to stop and continue later. However, never tell the other party that they should shut up. And remember that if a "shut up" tells you hurt So you have to be careful and respectful of the other.

• Offensive Adjectives

When we address the other in an offensive way we can destroy their self-love. In this way, our self-image can also be shaken when we are offended. This is because the other is important to us, just as we are important to him. Consequently, offensive adjectives can diminish, humiliate and demean.

For this reason, you have to be very careful what you say We are people and we deserve respect.

• Not caring about the other person

Relationships are based on bonding. When we feel ignored or ignore others, bonds are strained. After all, there is nothing sadder than knowing that you are not important to the one you love.

Many times we are not even aware of this, but for example, many mothers feel this way. After all, when we grow up and leave home, we end up having a busy life and no time. Our mothers end up being neglected. However, the estrangement doesn't mean that we don't love them, but that life is busy. However, this hurts, because people need attention and care.

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Read Also: Meaning of Loneliness: dictionary and in psychology

In everyday life we need to value the people we love and show how important they are to us. However, if someone gives you hurt Some people cannot give you what you deserve.

• Lack of gratitude

Gratitude is something precious, and that is why we have to thank people. However, gratitude must be something real, something true. In other words, it is no use just saying thank you to the four winds, but recognizing the true value.

We need every day to understand how a person changes our lives. A Even those who were not so nice helped us to grow. Also, it is important to let the other person know how important they are and how much of a difference they have made in our lives.

How to overcome sorrow

Now that we have seen what resentment is and what attitudes hurt us, let's understand how to overcome it. After all, resentments take time to grow, and getting rid of them is a process. To accomplish this, we list some attitudes we can take when someone has hurt us.

Acknowledge the hurt

When someone hurts us, even if to others it is silly, to us it is real. To understand how grief affects us, we need to be able to describe the situation and what we feel from it. A journal can help with this. It doesn't matter if it is something "silly"; if it affects us, we need to deal with it.

Forgive

Forgiving someone who has hurt you is something we do for ourselves. And forgiveness doesn't mean that we will forget what offended us, much less agree with what happened. Nor even that others will be different, but that we won't let it affect us in a destructive way.

Furthermore, forgiveness should not only be given to others, but to ourselves as well. After all, we also hurt others (even ourselves) and we need to forgive our mistakes.

It is always good to keep in mind that we mature in life's journey. Therefore, in many moments we have immature attitudes that we would do differently today. It is necessary to understand our history and our evolution and not to get stuck in it. That is why we must forgive ourselves for what was not so nice.

Don't let anger define you

When we let negativity define who we are, we lock ourselves into the past and unhappiness. This doesn't mean that we should be passive to everything and accept the situations always. But that we should understand that negativity limits us and throws us down. It takes courage to face problems and pain. We must stand up for ourselves, as well as fight against what hurts us.

However, we must avoid doing this in a destructive way.

Don't be a victim of sorrow

The hurt affects us, yes, but we can't let it define us. We are more than what we feel and what hurts us.

So we need to understand what we feel, how it affects us, and how to change it. We have to take the responsibility of changing our lives into our own hands and not leave it in the hand of the hurt.

I want information to enroll in the Psychoanalysis Course .

Final comments on how to deal with what has hurt you

If someone tells us hurt But you have to get rid of the destructive feelings. We really need to work on what hurts us and learn how not to hurt others.

Finally, if you want to understand more about the relationship between what you hurt It is a 100% online course that covers various nuances of psychoanalysis, and the human mind. What's more, the course starts immediately. Learn more about it and sign up!