A Non-Violent Communication (CNV), developed by clinical psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg, describes the conversational process for building empathic conversation.

Many people understand violent communication as the act of insulting, hitting, or shouting at your interlocutor. But they don't take into consideration many other forms of violence that appear when we communicate with other people.

For this reason, to improve interpersonal relationships, Marshall Rosemberg developed a tool for better mutual understanding. In this way he created the term Non-Violent Communication (NVC) , also known as collaborative communication or non-aggressive communication.

For more details, read on for a definition, techniques, and examples.

What is non-violent communication?

Non-violent communication is that in which the language used does not hurt or offend others or ourselves. According to Rosenberg, violent communication is the negative expression of unmet needs.

Soon, it is the manifestation of the helplessness and desperation of one who is so unprotected, that he thinks his words are not enough to make himself understood.

In light of this, the CNV model shares concepts used in mediation and conflict resolution. In other words, it seeks to offer the individual options to dialogue and exchange information necessary to resolve conflicts that arise from empathy and calm.

Therefore, we can conclude that nonviolent communication is also about speaking and listening to others, but it is necessary to act from the heart in order to connect with ourselves and with others, allowing a feeling of compassion to arise.

Living Nonviolent Communication

Human beings never stop communicating, whether at work, at home, or when we are with friends. In fact, communication is crucial for functioning in the world around us, but also for developing ourselves as individuals.

Although the communication we use is not as effective as we would like and can lead to misunderstandings. What do we do when we disagree with the arguments raised? Do we know how to make requests assertively? How do we act when faced with a conflict?

Facing this issue, Nonviolent Communication (NVC) can help the individual to generate tools to deal with such conflicts. But, in order to do so, it is necessary to know the four main elements that make up NVC:

• observe what is happening in a given situation without making judgments or evaluations;
• Be aware of the feelings we have about what is happening;
• become aware of the needs behind the feelings;
• make a request in a proper and effective way.

Nonviolent Expression and Examples

With the expression "Nonviolent", Rosenberg refers to the natural propensity of human beings to have empathy for their fellow human beings and for themselves. This thinking is therefore inspired by the concept of "nonviolence" expressed by Gandhi.

This means that much of human communication, even between individuals who love each other, takes place in a "violent" way, that is, without knowing that the way we speak, the words we utter, and the judgment we make, causes pain or injury to other people.

Although this type of communication generates interpersonal conflicts, this mode of expression has been handed down to us by an ancient socio-political-cultural culture that is based on dysfunction:

• Judge me and the other: we pay attention to what is wrong with people, believing that things get better;
• Compare: who is better, who deserves it, and who doesn't.

Non-violent communication techniques

Nonviolent communication is based on the idea that every human being has the capacity for compassion, and therefore only resorts to violence or behavior that harms the other when they do not recognize more effective strategies to meet their needs.

According to Marshall, through nonviolent communication techniques, we acquire the skills to hear our deepest needs, as well as those of other people through deep listening. Also, observing without judging is a technique that is about exposing the facts while avoiding adding judgments and thoughts about them.

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Therefore, non-aggressive communication says that we should observe everything we see, hear or touch, but without judging. It is not as easy as it sounds. But, how many times have you stopped to analyze how you act and react when an event happens? Almost in the second, a judgment arises. Isn't that so?

How to practice non-violent communication?

As we have seen, nonviolent communication is a powerful communication tool that fosters understanding and empathy. However, it is not a skill acquired overnight. In fact, the certification process itself takes years and a multitude of tests, situations, and contexts.

Therefore, the first step in acquiring nonviolent communication is to practice the techniques mentioned above in quiet moments, following the structure. You can also follow the steps below:

• don't hold, accuse or point the other to a fact;
• seek collaboration and understanding, not conflict;
• don't get into a clash of words;
• The idea is not to attack the other, but to change a fact that makes the relationship difficult;
• Invite the other to take responsibility and do something about it to improve the relationship;
• be part of an objective fact and not a judgment, belief, interpretation or accusation;
• Be firm and clear with what you want;
• don't interpret external behaviors.

Final considerations

As we have seen, we can use non-violent communication Furthermore, through CNV, we can learn to clarify what emotions we are feeling.

And if you like the text above, we offer you a 100% online course that will help you apply Nonviolent Communication in your relationships. So, through our online course on clinical psychoanalysis with Ead classes, you will be able to improve your knowledge.

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