O self-love To encourage its construction and consolidation is an important task. Therefore, check out some principles to exercise it in your daily life!

What Self-Love Means

Defining the meaning of self-love is not an easy task. If we turn to the classical and current literature on the subject, we can find multiple conceptualizations and digressions on the subject.

Renowned authors such as Voltaire, Nietzsche, Pascal, Rousseau, Espinosa, etc. are just a few who have theorized in different ways about what self-love means.

Understand

In many of these explanations, a differentiation is usually made between two forms of self-love.

One of them is positive and would refer to self-esteem as something natural and intrinsic to human beings, something related to their instinct of self-regulation and conservation.

On the other hand, there is negative self-love, which makes room for feelings such as pride, selfishness, and vanity.

What is self-love in psychology

In psychology, self-love is closely related to the concept of love for oneself, which in turn is harnessed and explained by more philosophical approaches. In general, psychology relates self-love and self-esteem in very similar ways.

In conclusion, in the field, both terms refer to a person's evaluation or estimation of himself.

The importance of self-love

Nathaniel Branden, author of the book "Self-Esteem and Its Six Pillars" believes that although the main basis of self-esteem is created during childhood and adolescence. That is, experiences and personal work during later years can reinforce or modify how we affectively relate to ourselves.

For the author, self-esteem (high or low) tends to generate "self-fulfilling prophecies". In other words, the perception we have of ourselves is determined by personal experiences.

The result of these actions will reinforce (or create, in case it is incongruous) our personal beliefs, which again will condition our thoughts, actions, etc., and so on.

Herein lies precisely the importance of the level of self-love achieved:

Low (negative) levels of self-esteem lead us to have thoughts of self-esteem; this will generate behaviors that are harmful to ourselves (self-boycott or inhibit behaviors).

Consequently, they will confirm the initial beliefs of low self-esteem, the self-fulfilling prophecy, as the author states.

The opposite, that is, a high level of self-esteem Its result will confirm our respectful evaluation of ourselves.

5 Ways to Self-Boycott

Let us first look at several processes by which your self-esteem worsens.

Self-punishment and emotional dependency

When you love yourself, you learn from your mistakes and are encouraged to continue.

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So don't whip yourself with a whip by blaming and torturing yourself for how wrong you were. That won't make you learn any more, but it will destroy you little by little.

If you are wrong, at least you tried, you are brave. Making mistakes is just as important as celebrating your successes and feeling proud of yourself, by reaching a goal and, for example, celebrating and rewarding yourself.

Self-criticism and complaining

When you love yourself, you speak to yourself in a gentle tone, and when it comes to criticizing yourself, you do so in a constructive and not a destructive way.

We cannot avoid going through situations we don't like or difficulties, but we can change the way we react to them. I recommend that you accept the situation and think about what a good friend would say to you about what you think you did wrong.

Also, be aware of how you speak so as not to give way to self insult, constant complaining, and that torturing voice that can be in you.

Self-confidence

When you love yourself, you pay attention to getting to know yourself, with curiosity and patience. However, you have a vision of how far you think you can go, setting goals that you think are consistent with your ability.

This doesn't mean that you are always right, but that if you have difficulties, you learn from your mistake and readjust your goal. You experience and live moments that can enrich your life, without running any real danger.

So remember that confidence leads to perfection. If you distrust yourself, it is likely that you are paying attention to error and consequently are running away from goals that you can achieve.

Comparison with others

We have qualities that define us and we use them to describe our physique, our personality, and our behavior. When you love yourself, you accept your qualities and are free from cultural and subjective standards that govern the meaning of beauty, for example.

You know that each person is different, neither better nor worse. Consequently, what you seek is to feel good about yourself, because everyone has their own rhythms and attributes that make them who they are.

If you often compare yourself to others, both to be victorious and to be harmed, you are likely to feel like you are on a roller coaster. So depending on who is around or what is in fashion.

Narcissism and hatred

Contrary to popular belief, love has limits, both to yourself and to others. There must be a balance between what you love yourself and what you want from others.

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When there is an imbalance of excessive self-love and a deficit of love for others, narcissism and hatred arise. The person with narcissism believes that he or she is superior or better than others (selfishness), thinks that he or she has more rights than others (selfishness), and believes that everything revolves around him or her (selfishness).

However, when you love yourself, you end up distancing yourself from narcissistic people, seeking for yourself generosity, assertiveness, and reciprocity.

Some steps to love yourself

Now that we know what might be affecting your lack of self-esteem and self-love, let's see what to do to improve it on a daily basis.

Stop seeking confidence

Before we begin, it is important to remember something fundamental, but that we often forget: It is impossible to always feel confident.

Our confidence level fluctuates, so the same person can feel very self-confident when he or she finds the dream job, and at the same time feel totally depressed if they get fired. This is normal.

No one escapes this emotional dynamic. Even successful people, such as Hollywood actresses, have confessed to feeling like a failure on many occasions! So don't try to be confident and sure of yourself all the time. The tendency is that the more you pursue this untouchable life, the more insecure and sad you will feel.

Stop your negative inner chatter

Walking hand in hand with bad statements about yourself does not help you develop self-love on a daily basis. Get into the practice of interrupting thoughts like these. We are often our own worst enemy precisely because, even if no one hurts us with words, we are capable of doing so.

We can be held prisoners in our own minds, yet we forget that we can break free at any time, given the motivation and tools to do so.

Understand

Our thoughts can take us in many directions, good and bad. For many, it seems natural and easy to assume the worst, over-analyze, jump to a conclusion, or even anticipate catastrophes.

In this way, these thinking errors are a trap not only for anxiety and low self-esteem, but also an inevitable cause of little self-esteem and unhappiness.

Build your strengths

If social influence plays a role in how we shape our motivations, we run the risk of focusing our attention on areas that may not be honoring our unique gifts.

If we invest all our energy in pursuing a sport, a career or even a life path, we need to make sure that these choices.

So let them be aligned not only with our core beliefs and values, but also with our true strengths.

Practice self-compassion

Without a doubt, one of the most vital ways to grow in self-love is through the act of self-compassion.

We cannot truly love ourselves if we deny ourselves forgiveness and compassion. It is necessary to admit that every human being fails. You are not alone in your struggles.

However, despite these struggles, it is imperative that we leave room for self-compassion.

Live with Gratitude

A grateful heart brings a joyful spirit. To exercise gratitude, remember that the grateful heart does more than say nice things or exercise positive inner talk. Gratitude is a way to experience our world and the opportunities in it.

One technique used by many mental health professionals as a starting point for dealing with stress, emotional dysregulation, or depression is the practice of gratitude.

Therefore, this practice helps to re-train your mind to see and accept what is positive in daily life, as well as to value the blessings of life and the kindness offered and received by others.

Check the way you talk to yourself

When we begin to observe the way we communicate with ourselves, we can understand the way others speak to us. If you spend all day ruminating on your faults and criticizing yourself, this can be an attitude that others will repeat.

Furthermore, people will begin to believe that you are entirely what you say about yourself.

This is why it is so important to be firm when someone assaults or hurts us, review how we treat ourselves in a similar way and start making adjustments. To start changing this scheme, it is best to start telling yourself new messages that strengthen your self-esteem.

Understand

You can say them mentally, but you can also help yourself by putting up signs in visible places: "I am beautiful", "I accept myself as I am", "I have value and I deserve everything", and so on.

In this way, you will find that when you start changing your own script, your communication with the rest of the world will improve. And best of all, you will feel more secure and serene.

Take care of your habits

One of the most important keys to self-love is to take care of our health and cultivate our well-being. Eating healthy, exercising, practicing some discipline to relax are some of the habits we can develop to treat ourselves better.

And when that happens, you will see how those who approach you will give you the same treatment.

"No", the magic word

Sometimes we are afraid to say no for fear of being rejected, and when we do things we don't want to do, our self-esteem suffers.

If you want to increase your courage in everyday life, learn to overcome the discomfort of saying no when you want to.

It is better to be at peace with yourself and maintain respect and self-esteem than to betray yourself in order to maintain a good appearance in front of others.

Self-knowledge strengthens self-love

Having clarity about this characteristic helps us to have a reference to self-knowledge, which, as the word says, is to know ourselves.

If we have clarity about self-knowledge, it will be easier to detect our weaknesses and strengths; what our faults and virtues are, to make them aware and know what we must improve each day. Ultimately, it is these individual characteristics that make us unique.

Set resolutions and help self-love

In life one must have goals, or rather, a life project with well-defined objectives.

Set short, medium and long-term goals; this will allow you to feel good about yourself.

Goals increase self-esteem as we achieve our set goals; therefore, self-love grows when you see that you can achieve what you set out to do.

Forgive yourself

Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and tend to judge ourselves harshly. We should know that as human beings we can make mistakes at any time in our lives.

People who manage to build self-esteem recognize their mistakes, try to solve them, and most importantly acquire learning.

Prioritize your needs and not your wants

Loving one another doesn't mean that we must satisfy ourselves in everything. Human beings also act on impulses, and it is important that you learn to override your needs with your desires.

By staying focused on what you need, you can push away impulsive thoughts that are not healthy for your mental health.

Create Awareness

To build or increase self-esteem and self-love it is very important to be aware of our actions; in the way we act, learning to recognize what we feel, think and want.

Awareness will help you to be clear about what you want and what makes you feel good. It will also prevent you from doing what others want.

Reflect

No one has the responsibility to complete what anyone else lacks. In fact, it's up to you to find yourself and act on what you feel. So try to fulfill the values you have, as well as work on listening and building self-esteem.

Only in this way will you generate healthy relationships, through which you can be a person who truly loves and is loved without dependencies.

Balancing self-love between emotions and self-esteem

It is important to mention that although we accept ourselves as we are, this does not mean that there are no characteristics of our personality that we need to improve. What is significant is that we know how to recognize them from our own perception in order to work on them and be able to improve them.When a person truly achieves self-love, it is because he has found a balance between his emotions and hisself-esteem.

This state manifests itself in a prolonged sense of well-being. As a result, the person values himself, respects himself, becomes happier, and feels secure in different life scenarios.

Final thoughts on self-love

As we have already said, self-love is a personal and emotional construction. To love oneself consists of laying a good foundation in the family and in one's own personal development throughout life.

Because there are people who have not counted on these pillars or simply have difficulty loving themselves as they are, we invite you to seek professional help if this is your case. On the other hand, if your desire is to work for the strengthening of self-love of another person, in our online psychoanalysis course we have excellent professionals who can help you acquire the necessary tools for this .