The fear of being alone or fear of being alone is also known as autophobia It emerges from the feeling of abandonment, also called loneliness or isolation, and occurs mainly in relation to human losses, separation, death of life partners, parents, children, close confidants, spiritual leaders.

In Greek, "auto" is a prefix meaning "to oneself, oneself." So, the autophobia is the fear of oneself, in the sense of being afraid of being alone or lonely.

This fear can have a character:

• temporary "I have a phobia of being alone when my family members leave the house to go to the market"; or
• lasting gift "I'm alone with no one and I'm afraid to stay that way"; or
• lasting future : "I am not alone in the present, but I am phobic to think that I may live in loneliness in the future".

The fear of being alone and the caveman brain

In ancient times we learned that we could solve problems and face lions and storms in groups, we learned to collaborate and work together for personal and social advancement, we developed speech and language to communicate with others, caresses to strengthen bonds.

We are social beings by nature, but that doesn't mean that we can't be alone. The fear of being alone is something that can take away your peace and even make you feel that you are in danger, even if you are not. Some people like loneliness and some people avoid it.

There are people who seek moments of quietness and reunion with themselves and with others for whom this is a real torture. For the latter, loneliness is a punishment and company, more than a pleasure, ends up becoming a necessity .

Autophobia: be careful

Autophobia is an affliction of our time that leads us to experience high levels of anxiety if we are alone. What comes to mind when you have a day off in your schedule, with no plans, meetings, or social activities? Do you consider it an opportunity to rest and devote yourself?

Or, on the contrary, do you panic and start looking for someone to spend time with? Many people feel uncomfortable being alone, but for a small percentage this discomfort reaches pathological levels.

What is autophobia?

The term autophobia means 'fear of oneself', but in this condition you do not fear your own presence, but the absence of another person. In other words, there is an inability to be alone.

It is a disorder categorized as a specific phobia, so its symptoms are those of this type of disorder:

• One experiences an intense, irrational fear of being alone or with the idea that one might be in the near future.
• The person avoids by all means being alone, and if he cannot, he endures this situation at the cost of tremendous discomfort.
• Fear and anxiety are disproportionate. They even affect the individual's daily functioning. Thus, his life can be affected socially, personally, and at work .
• The symptoms last for at least six months.

How to lose the fear of being alone?

Acknowledge your fears

Identify what are all those images and ideas you have that might happen when you are alone. Make a list of everything you think might happen and identify what generates the most fear.

Then talk to yourself, telling yourself what you have to do to deal with this fear.

Reflect on the fact that it may have happened to you sometime, but that doesn't mean that every time you are there, it will only happen to you again. And if what you fear has never happened, then you have time to stop believing that it can happen.

Strengthen your ties with other people

Realize that you may really want to be with different people, but the relationship you have with them does not necessarily satisfy you deeply.

Surely you like to have deep and sincere relationships, and if you don't, it feels as if you are constantly alone, so dedicate yourself to strengthening your relationships, being more sincere, opening up to others.

Lose the fear of getting hurt

At the same time that you want to be with other people, you are afraid that they will hurt you. So you constantly move closer and further away, leaving you in the background unsatisfied.

Better to have relationships that give you satisfaction than to avoid them for fear of hurting you. Remember that whether or not you will get out of a hurt relationship depends on how happy you are being with yourself.

Regain yourself

Dedicate yourself to conquering yourself as if you were in love with yourself and want to do everything possible to be with you and give you details. Just as you enjoy being with a lover and don't want to be with anyone else, what would it be like to enjoy being with you?

If you really want someone else to fall in love with you or have healthy relationships with other people, you need to be able to be alone with yourself.

Or else, the relationships you create with others will be based on fear and avoidance of being with you, this ends in co-dependent relationships in which one of you, sooner or later, will feel drowned.

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Forgive the experiences of abandonment

Be open to forgiving and healing any abandonment you have experienced from your family or a partner. Put yourself in their shoes and, even if you don't understand why they left you alone, see if they had their reasons for doing so.

Turn off the TV

Being with yourself doesn't mean being connected to the TV or the internet. There are a million other things to do that will connect you more to yourself. Write, read, draw, dance, tidy your room, learn to knit, do a craft... And then, rest and turn on the TV or go out with a friend.

Learning to be alone is essential

The consequences of autophobia go beyond the discomfort and anxiety it creates in a person. The inability to be alone can lead us to establish harmful relationships of emotional dependence. It can also damage our emotional bonds due to the excessive need or demand for constant companionship.

The main treatment for autophobia is live exposure. That is, gradually expose the person to situations that involve being alone and gradually increase the level of demand.

It is also important to perform cognitive restructuring of the dysfunctional thoughts to replace them with more adjusted and appropriate ones. Likewise, it may be helpful for the person to learn some arousal control technique to regulate anxiety.

Final thoughts on the fear of being alone

In short, being alone is a common everyday circumstance that we should be able to tolerate. But not only that; loneliness is a great opportunity to connect with ourselves and improve our emotional health. Therefore, it is interesting to take advantage of and enjoy these moments.

I invite you to lose the fear of being alone, and to resolve the deepest fears you have by enrolling in our online clinical psychoanalysis course. It is an excellent opportunity to develop together all the conflicts that are holding you back.